It's been a while...

I moved back to Austin about a month ago. I guess I ran away from Boston way sooner than I thought I would. Once I decided that I was going to eventually move back to Austin that turned into me thinking why not sooner than later. So here I am, completely content with my life. So thankful for my friends in Boston and all their support but Austin feels like home. Its been a while since I felt at home somewhere but here it is. I love it so so much.

I woke up yesterday in a bed in Houston to some heavy snow fall outside. Five minutes after awaking my host was handing me a bottle of bourbon and I began my day taking warm nips of that smokey brown medicine. I was getting a buzz by 2 and thankfully stopped indulging by then. Bryan and Amber are very gracious hosts and not hesitant with their offerings of food and drink. By the evening I had my act together and made the trek back to Austin with Raina while listening to some necessary Ryan Adams, Wilco, and Cory Branan. I then went on to play a very fun show with the Electric Mountain Rotten Apple gang, enjoyed the company of Mike and Dawn, and finished the night off with a very drunken late night jam with Bluegrass Dave, D Mo, and Grace. I am so very happy to be HOME.

What happened to all my big plans?

I woke up today in Boston. My alarm was annoying and my hand was on fire. I knew right away I would not be playing the subway today. So I spent my morning in a place between slumber and thought. There were all these voices growling at me like wild animals and I had this paranoid feeling that someone was coming to get me out of this coma like state I was in. It was very much like a hallucinogenic trip. When I came down from it I felt terrible. I can’t figure out what I am doing here and I can’t stop feeling this anxiety. It’s the hustle and bustle that some people need and live for. It gives them something to fight for and feel a part of. To me it is just distracting and disgusting. I miss Austin and I’m trying to think of ways to get back there as soon as possible. I have also learned that I can’t live in New York it is too overwhelming and chaotic which I thought I would love but it makes me feel ill. I can only take it in small doses in which case I feel inspired, true, and alive. I could perhaps live in Burlington. I feel at ease and liberated from my ego when I’m there. But I still miss Austin most of all. The question still lies, when do I leave Boston? Sooner or later?

Something strange is brewing inside me.

I woke up with a splash of sunlight on my face. The curtains were wide open serving as a better alarm than my cell phone. It was 9:24 AM five minutes before my phone was scheduled to blink and beep me into a startled confused morning. I had a text message from Pickles sent at 1 in the morning which must have been right after I fell asleep. He wanted me to call him and have a rehearsal. So all morning while I made a breakfast that consisted of porridge, coffee, and internet which hadn’t been working all week, I contemplated on whether I should go play the subway and not practice with Pickles or not play the subway and not make any money today. However as soon as I read the message I already decided I wasn’t going to play the subway because before I knew it I was sitting drinking coffee and practicing till 1 by myself until I called Pickles to find out that he in fact had to pedi-cab today.

So I spent most of the day practicing and reading “On the Road” by Kerouac in various coffee shops around my house. My ears would perk and my heartbeat would increase and I would sit and think about how much of a coffee addict I am now, ever since I decided not to set a limit for how much coffee is acceptable to consume in 24 hours. I was trying to decide whether it was worth it to spend my twenty dollar tip last night eating a fried haddock sandwich that shouldn’t have been fried with a couple of beers at a bar where they couldn’t even get the Bruin’s game on. After bumming around the whole day enjoying having free time I walked with Tom Bianchi down to the Toad where we had a show playing with Baker Thomas. We stopped for some coffee on the way. The show was rockin' and loud but surprisingly I could still be heard over the drums and electric guitar, though not well. Tom announced that it was my birthday which is what he does every show I play with him. So I got a couple free shots and was feeling pretty high by the end of the night. I walked back to the house with Tom and sat and visited with him till I’m guessing around 4 am. I could tell my roommate had some company with her and I was stoked for her but felt a little lonely at the same time.

I’m now currently sitting listening to The Shepherd’s Dog and drinking coffee. It’s a rainy fall day in Boston and I’m going to play the subway today in hopes to make any money at all. I can’t wait to see Raina next week and spend a whole week with her and Becca Loebe. Hurray! I might even get to see Corry Brannen in Jersey on Tuesday. I think I might try and sell my Punch Brothers ticket and play a show with Raina instead. Wish me luck in the subway today.

You don't even know how to use that thing.

I’ve been plotting new projects with my friend Mally. This video inspired my most recent idea to have a show with contact dancers backed up by a free jazz group.


Weekly Playlist
Steve Earl- Mystery Train, Pt. 2
Bill Evans- Solar
Joe Henderson- Inner Urge
Jonathan Byrd- The Cold & Hungry Night
Brad Mehldau- Monk’s Dream
Bela Fleck- Old Jellico, Puddle Jumper, Dead Man’s Hill
Keith Jarrett- All the Things You Are
Jonathan Byrd- Coyote

excuses and insecurities

Maybe someday I will tell someone I'm in love with them as soon as a feel that way because I won't be afraid of being seen as naive. It will become such a rare feeling to be in love that once I do feel it I will think it is true. And then I'll get married and someday realize that my heart is in pain and I'll leave my lover. Would that be so terrible?

Everyone is willing and able.

Play more.
Think less.
Impressions are not as valuable as inspiration.

I am currently listening to John Coltrane-One Up, One Down.

Customer B221 Defeated

I’m feeling awfully homesick for being homeless. I found myself in Burlington Vermont last week bumming around the coffee shops and parks. Some days were very inspiring either playing styles of music completely unfamiliar to me or spending my days walking in what felt like a painting out at a farmhouse in the country side of VT.
Part of being homeless brings a good deal of free time when you aren’t traveling further on down the road. It gives me time to think about how maybe I would be happier somewhere else. Peaking around the street corner to see what the next avenue has to offer. While in Vermont I was excited to get back home. This time I was referring to Boston as home. Well at least I’m trying to call it home.

But now here I am. Feeling awkward and out of place in the musty city. I’m just a single file ant moving through the veins. Maybe I’m just physically exhausted. Maybe it’s just this day. I’m in a tennis match with the city life. It’s a tough match, and I feel easily defeated. But I’m not ready to quit. It’s only the first match. Tomorrow might go in my favor. Now I know how the Sox must be feeling.

Weekly Playlist
Bruce Springsteen- Darlington County
Steve Earl- Mystery Train, Pt. 2
Anthony Da Costa- I Am Way Too Much
Gregory Alan Isakov- Big Black Car
Greg Brown- Just By Myself
Bela Fleck- Major Honker
Danny Schmidt- Beggars & Mules
John Elliott- Anybody Everybody
Tony Williams- Tomorrow Afternoon
Bruce Springsteen- Born to Run